Groucho Marx

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died!

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.

Hobbies cost money but interests are free

I’m so naive about finances. Once when my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain: ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.

We didn’t actually overspend our budget. The allocation simply fell short of our expenditure.

I’ve been poor and I’ve been rich and rich is better.

Use your money to buy privacy because during most of your life you aren’t allowed to be normal.

There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

You can be young without money but you can’t be old without it.

I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need; if I die by four O’clock.

I’m bout this shmoney!

I don’t wake up for less than $10,000 a day.

A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.

Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.

There are few ways in which a man can be more innocently employed than in getting money.