Groucho Marx

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

Money frees you from things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money comes in handy.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Enough or not…it will have to do.

Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.

No one gossips about other people’s secret virtues.

When people tell you not to believe in your dreams, and they say “Why?”, say “Why not?”

You can’t change other people or (some) conditions; you can change only your reactions to them.

The books that the world calls immoral are the books that show the world its own shame.

To resent efficiency is a mark of inefficiency.

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules.

I can only say that I have had a wonderful life.

Some days, your perfume falls from your skin and settles in the staircase. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stopped on the fourth step and felt all the ways I’ve fallen in love with you.

Certain flaws are necessary for the whole. It would seem strange if old friends lacked certain quirks.

Old guys can still do fun things.

If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.

When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want.