Groucho Marx

Money frees you from things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money comes in handy.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.

I have 100 percent Bronx pride like it’s a country like I AM the Bronx.

I have some wonderful friends from the Mideast that are as red, white and blue as anybody you know, that have been harassed, and I think it’s a terrible, terrible thing.

A lot of people do have tragic childhoods. But you know what? Get over it.

The less you know, the more you believe.

You have the duty and gift of living. You don’t have the right to sit on the sidelines–use your life and get back into the game.

I drank to drown my pain, but the damned pain learned how to swim…

I don’t have an alarm clock. If someone needs to wake me up, then I have my BlackBerry next to me.

If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning.

Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

Simple, clear purpose and principles give rise to complex and intelligent behavior. Complex rules and regulations give rise to simple and stupid behavior.

You are your own most important resource for making your life work. Life rewards action. Until your knowledge, awareness, insights, and understandings are translated into action, they are of no value.

I hate mankind, for I think myself one of the best of them, and I know how bad I am.

The sense of injustice, more than the unjust condition itself, is what wears on men’s minds.

It’s hard to see your own face without a mirror.