Mark Twain

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

I don’t know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer.

When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse. He will go to any length for it-risk fortune, character, reputation, life itself.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

There is no distinctly American criminal class – except Congress.

The only true test of values, either of men or of things, is that of their ability to make the world a better place in which to live.

You, and only you, choose how you feel.

Life did not stop, and one had to live.

They said eyes are the key to the soul, and after looking into yours, I know you’ve unlocked mine.

Always pack your uniform on top.

It is just good practice to do a situational scan and have situational awareness when you are out in the world.

Most of the sickness in the world is caused by eating too much.

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.

What’s in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet.

To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.

The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of ungraceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.

No dog ever peed on a moving car.

People don’t like when you point out to them and remind them that they’re not very smart.

He that would make his own liberty secure must guard even his enemy from oppression; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach to himself.

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.