Mark Twain

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

The teacher reminded us that Romes liberties were not auctioned off in a day, but were bought slowly, gradually, furtively, little by little; first with a little corn and oil for the exceedingly poor and wretched, later with corn and oil for voters who were not quite so poor, later still with corn and oil for pretty much every man that had a vote to sellexactly our own history over again.

If you eat a frog first thing in the morning, the rest of your day will be wonderful.

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment.

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.

A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn’t ever going to grow dim or doubtful.

Come to me, wild and untamed. Bring the oceans on your lips, the mountains on your spine; I want to explore all the places you have ever called home. Let me pluck each petal from the gardens you’ve grown, overcrowded seedlings pushing up through your bones. Come to me dipped in the stars, come to me wearing all your scars. I want to show you just how beautiful you are.

You cannot settle the problems of Europe by long-distance telephone calls and telegrams. Round the table we must get!

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

In life you have three options with any situation that is a challenge. Remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it.

You are so much more than what people have done to you, and to let that define you, would be a tragedy.

Warm summer sun, shine kindly here. Warm southern wind, blow softly here. Green sod above, lie light, lie light. Good night, dear Heart, Good night, good night.

Everything in life I’ve worked hard for; what makes you think I’d do you different?

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.

Civilization is the progress toward a society of privacy. The savage’s whole existence is public, ruled by the laws of his tribe. Civilization is the process of setting man free from men.

Should a man quit at 40 he is failure-Retire at that age is sorry failure.

The world is held together by the mass of honest folk who do their daily tasks, tend their own spot in the world, and have faith that at last the Right will come fully into its own.

The quickest way to become troubled is to be concerned with what people say about your work.

When people believe in boundaries, they become part of them.

What a piece of work is man! how noble in reason! how infinite in faculty! in form and moving how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! In apprehension how like a god! the beauty of the world, the paragon of animals!