Mark Twain

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

Just because an animal is large, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.

Don’t ever wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.

Are cats lazy? Well, more power to them if they are. Which one of us has not entertained the dream of doing just as he likes, when and how he likes, and as much as he likes?

All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.

By what right has the dog come to be regarded as a noble animal? The more brutal and cruel and unjust you are to him the more your fawning and adoring slave he becomes; whereas, if you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward-you will never get her full confidence again.

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, he turned into a butterfly.

Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

It is much easier to show compassion to animals. They are never wicked.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

One dog barks at something. And a hundred dogs bark at the sound.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

The more I learn about people, the better I like my dog.

I’d like to devote about three years to the elimination of the cow. There’s not reason in the world why the chemist can’t discover the cow’s secret of converting vegetation into dairy products. And there’s less reason why the chemist can’t do a better job of it after he learns how.