Mark Twain

I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

Damn the subjunctive. It brings all our writers to shame.

Honesty is the best policy – when there is money in it.

There was never a century nor a country that was short of experts who knew the Deity’s mind and were willing to reveal it.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.

Surrender is faith that the power of love can accomplish anything… even when you can not foresee the outcome.

Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.

The true art of memory is the art of attention.

People who use time wisely spend it on activities that advance their overall purpose in life.

There is always room for a person of force and they make room for many.

Parentage is a very important profession, but no test of fitness for it is ever imposed in the interest of the children.

Every great achievement is the victory of a flaming heart.

We mustn’t be stiff and stand-off, you know. We must be thoroughly democratic, and patronize everybody without distinction of class.

The mind can go in a thousand directions, but on this beautiful path, I walk in peace.

If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart.

Worth seeing? Yes; but not worth going to see.

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.

It was prettily devised of Aesop, The fly sat on the axle tree of the chariot wheel and said, what dust do I raise!

That observation which is called knowledge of the world will be found much more frequently to make men cunning than good.