Zach Braff

[On Hollywood’s initial response to his Garden State script] Everyone said no. Everyone with a date book and a phone in Los Angeles said no.

They put all this money into these huge movies, and then no one goes to see them… That sort of shows that they’re out of touch. Then, everyone in town passes on my little movie, and it does really well.

I was kosher until I had my Bar Mitzvah, and I parlayed officially becoming a man into telling my father I wanted to eat cheeseburgers.

When you are writing a script, you can’t help but stop and daydream about which actors are going to play the parts, and I kind of imagined Natalie Portman. Not just because she is beautiful, because obviously she is, but she is a wonderful actress who hasn’t had a chance in a long time to show the world how talented she is.

Everyone has an idea that they think would be a great movie. Everyone has a cousin who they think you should work with. Everyone has a warped vision of Hollywood and what success in Hollywood is like. That you love cocaine and that you spend every night in orgies with models. If only it were true.

My mother’s a psychologist, my stepfather’s a psychologist, my stepmother is a therapist and my dad’s a lawyer. So it was all prominent in my life. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t know someone on some form of prescription medicine.

You cannot allow other people’s opinions, comments, or decisions affect how you feel about yourself.

Hate a liar more than I hate thief. A thief is only after my salary a liar is after my reality.

I am looking for a man I couldn’t beat in a cage fight.

I got a role in this movie called Freeway playing this really angry, aggressive, violent young woman who believed wholeheartedly in the truth. I had such satisfaction afterward, and I thought, That’s what I want to do.

Well, my sort of stability as a character, it’s never been one of my strongest attributes. I’m a bit of a clusterf*ck. I get so many great ideas that I kind of mesmerize people with another plan before the previous plan is hatched out; people run away, pull their hair off, go off in different directions, nodding their heads, and going, “Oh, god”.

Keep in mind that most men like to pursue and win you. Don’t rob him of the enjoyment of doing that. When it comes to dressing to go out, it’s been my experience that guys prefer to think that the object of their affection is someone exclusive who isn’t available to everyone in the room. You’re clever enough to strike the right balance between hot and classy, aren’t you? Turn up the heat, but don’t invite the whole fire department.

Getting divorced just because you don’t love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.

I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.

I got a fan letter on the back of a prison menu. And I remember thinking, ‘Well, they get pie. It’s not so bad. They get pie on the weekends.’ I want to say blueberry and also a Boston cream pie. Not so bad.

As we’ve seen, Trump is a masterful denier of both reality and responsibility. He’s a man who would kick you in the nuts and then tell you that your penis did it.

I don’t take gifts from perfect strangers-but then, nobody is perfect.

There is no diet for a big ego.

Yes, we are celebrities, but yes, we’re also innovators, we’re also inventors, we’re also thoughtful.

I hope im not that close to my character, I hate him, I used to hate everbody like Cedric in my school.

This is what I’ve learned about women: A guy’s walking down the street and he kicks a Coke can, and out comes a genie, and the genie says: “I will grant you one wish.” The guy says, “I don’t need anything. I’m happy. I play tennis. I sing in a rock group. But there is just one thing. I want to go to Florida and I hate flying. Can you build me a bridge from London to Miami?” And the genie scratches his head and says, “I don’t think I can do that. That’s a bit too much.” So the guy says, “Wait a minute: women. Can you explain the ways of a woman’s mind?” And the genie looks at him and says, “About that bridge. Do you want a handrail and lights?” It’s a handrail and lights, man. Whenever there’s trouble with women we all go, “Just give me the bridge.” It’s much easier.