Tina Fey

At the request of the Catholic Church, a three-day sex orgy to be held near Rio de Janeiro was cancelled last Friday. So instead I spent the weekend cleaning my apartment.

It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don’t like something, it is empirically not good.

I have Faith Popcorn on retainer. I’m sorry-what I meant to say is that I have popcorn stuck in my retainer.

Nothing is creepier than a bunch of adults being very quiet.

I didn’t get on TV until I was 30, which is really fortunate because you are who you are at that point.

You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

I really like comedy that brings people together. There’s a lot of comedies lately that have been at people’s expense or been kind of acidic or mean-spirited. And some folks like that, and I think there’s room for that, but that’s not my style. I like something that makes us all feel closer. Comedy, at its best, can be healing.

You don’t waste your entire life waiting to go back to dust.

I got a role in this movie called Freeway playing this really angry, aggressive, violent young woman who believed wholeheartedly in the truth. I had such satisfaction afterward, and I thought, That’s what I want to do.

I hate that the paparazzi agencies get all of the fan accounts shut down! Ugh we have to think of something! Maybe start our own agency? And let all of the fans post whatever tf they want!!!!!

Paul is not someone trying to be Freddie. He’s someone trying to take this somewhere else… I’m very excited about working it all out.

I do think things were meant to happen. I’m just this little girl from Tennessee, and here I am today. I think a lot of things are just out of your hands.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

I’m having a great time. I get to travel and see the world. And yeah, I’ll have a family, because I don’t want to miss out on that amazing experience, but it’s not defining who I am.

I love the people here. I love New York.

Entertainment isn’t just based on the very structured syndrome of European popular music, and it’s great that there are so many thousands of people who are of the same opinion.

I have three closets in my bedroom.

I don’t think it makes me a role model. I think it makes me inspiring. Cause I’m from the bottom I think they look at me and go ‘well, if he made it, I can make it’

I’ve never done work for money, ever. If your choices are based on grosses and the film doesn’t do well, what does that mean? It leaves you with nothing.

So I’ve realized that this outfit is part of Richard Petty now. And the real Richard Petty is still hidden behind these glasses.

I had to get back to work. NBC has me under contract. The baby and I only have a verbal agreement.