Robin Williams

(While accepting the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for Good Will Hunting) Most of all, I want to thank my father, up there, the man who when I said I wanted to be an actor, he said, ‘Wonderful. Just have a back-up profession like welding.’

Cocaine is God’s way of saying that you’re making too much money.

A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They’d make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while. About comic lines written by Mark Shaiman being removed for innuendo (i.e. Chip ‘n Dale are both strippers”) the week before for his presenting of Best Animated Film at the 77th Academy Awards: “For a while you get mad, then you get over it. They’re afraid of saying Olive Oyl is anorexic. It tells you about the state of humor. It’s strange to think: how afraid are you? We thought that they got the irony of it. I guess not.”

Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

[on Popeye] If you watch it backwards, it has a plot.

We aren’t cool and never will be.

[asked about the ways she is discriminated against] I get discriminated against in three ways: I get discriminated against because I’m blond, I get discriminated against because I’m an actress and I get discriminated against because I’m from the South.

We are following other people’s opinions. We are controlled by the media. And today it all changes.

I’m a blowfish. I’m not a shark, I’m a blowfish. So that perfect example about me hitting my head, it’s like a blowfish. I wasn’t coming out of my house going to a paparazzi’s house to attack them. I’m defending my family in front of my own house. I’m defending my name as someone’s screaming something negative at me. That’s a blowfish. People have me pinned as a shark or a predator in some way, and in no way am I that. I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone. I want to defend people. I want to help people.

[on Sarah Palin returning to Fox News] First tonight, I and the rest of America woke up this morning in the worst way imaginable.

I look like an angel, but I can play the bitch.

I don’t see Johnny Depp as attractive!

The Troubadour was the only place where you could go and showcase for record companies. If you were lucky you might get to sing three or four songs that night.

The reason there weren’t any, I am surmising, is that a lot of Latin kids, Latino kids, in those days didn’t have the money to take those kind of classes.

I feel like there’s a race being run in Los Angeles for some unattainable goal – to be the best, the skinniest, the most beautiful. I just admit that that’s what I’ll never be.

Ain’t it just like the night to play tricks when you’re tryin’ to be so quiet?

If you’re an actor and you don’t get cast in stuff a lot, then put together a show or hold play-reading nights at your apartment. Make your own opportunities.

Man, I have had so much plastic surgery, I don’t even recognize myself, sometimes. If I catch a glimpse in a window or something, I think it is someone else.

Yes, it’s that special time of year where we voluntarily imbibe pumpkin spice lattes, the coffee that tastes like a candle.

There are positive things that come of social media as well as negative.