Richard Petty

If Kyle had ever been dedicated to nothing but driving, he’d have been really, really good. But he wanted to do a lot of other things. He’s always been that way. Still is.

There is no doubt about precisely when folks began racing each other in automobiles. It was the day they built the second automobile.

If you ain’t trying to cheat a little, you ain’t likely to win much.

Denver’s pretty quick. They couldn’t keep up with him in the open field.

Never put a question mark where God puts a Period.

If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’!

I was young when I first went to America. I was 19 years old, and I went crazy. I met The GTOs and my mind just snapped. I’m from a nowhere town in the Midlands and here were these girls with bare breasts blatantly coming on, and of course we went crazy.

The difference between male comedy writers and female comedy writers is that the male ones are taller and weigh more.

The same kind of boys always like me. The ones that easily get their feelings hurt. Ugh! Then they try to get my attention by doing something dumb but I’m too busy to notice

I’m always shocked by the people who I’m attracted to. It’s always completely random. I generally like people who are a bit crazy but yeah, that’s pretty much my only prerequisite.

Bitches don’t know if they wanna hate you or be you. Lemme change that. Bitches hate you cuz know they’ll never be you.

I really like comedy that brings people together. There’s a lot of comedies lately that have been at people’s expense or been kind of acidic or mean-spirited. And some folks like that, and I think there’s room for that, but that’s not my style. I like something that makes us all feel closer. Comedy, at its best, can be healing.

My body is the shape I live in and it shapes the way I live.

I never use that word, retire.

The death penalty is like the McRib. When you can’t have it, it seems so tantalizing. But when they bring it back, you think, ‘Wow, this is ethically wrong’.

The first album I ever got was “Like a Virgin”. It was during the Iran Contra conflict-I thought she was saying, “Like a Persian”.

I also went to art school and learned to play a piano there, but I play by ear.

[asked if she ever had any summer traditions when growing up] My family rented a cottage in Canada. They’d blare “Wake Up Little Susie” at seven in the morning throughout the entire campground. Everyone would roll over to the lodge and have sticky buns for breakfast, and then we’d jump on the trampoline all day long.

I don’t want to stop and I don’t think Pete (Pete Townshend) does. We’re at the pinnacle of our decline.

I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it’s only because I struggle with math.

I was wearing my best gap turtleneck and my dates were two adult lesbians. So yea, I was pretty cool.