Mark Twain

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

In his private heart no man much respects himself.

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Any so-called material thing that you want is merely a symbol: you want it not for itself, but because it will content your spirit for the moment.

We may not pay Satan reverence, for that would be indiscreet, but we can at least respect his talents.

I think I had the best of James [Taylor]. I mean, I was so in love with him. Not with blinders on – I was in love with him because he is a remarkable man, and he gave me a tremendous amount.

I don’t know where to find a good guy. I just think that they’re around and I think you have to be good and at some point you’ll attract that. I really believe that. First, people should stop looking. The looking thing does not work. Just let love find you.

I only f**k with people who are secure enough to be happy for me and hype me up. I don’t want any ‘friends’ who fall silent during my success.

I like the idea of being alone. I like the idea of often being alone in all aspects of my life. I like to feel lonely. I like to need things.

Relationships don’t thrive because the guilty are punished, but because the wounded are merciful.

Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it. It is unsuited to the drawing room, and in the most cultured society it has long been banished from the social board. It has at last, in our day of progress and improvement, been degraded to brotherhood with flatulence. Among the best bred, these two arts are now indulged only in private– though by consent of the whole company, when only males are present, it is still permissible, in good society, to remove the embargo on the fundamental sigh.

I’ve always said, ‘If you need Viagra, you’re probably with the wrong girl.

I can replace things, but I could never replace my wife and kids.

He stepped down, avoiding any long look at her as one avoids long looks at the sun, but seeing her as one sees the sun, without looking.

Don’t confuse feelings with facts and don’t ignore facts when they come as feelings.

She was not for everyone, but she was for me.

Women talk about stuff on the way to the valet that it takes men 10 years to admit to each other. The depth at which women talk to and about each other is invaluable to me. With your really, really close good friends you do that fast.

Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog and will do it again – just watch. He can do much better!

The most wonderful of all things in life, I believe, is the discovery of another human being with whom one’s relationship has a glowing depth, beauty, and joy as the years increase. This inner progressiveness of love between two human beings is a most marvelous thing, it cannot be found by looking for it or by passionately wishing for it. It is a sort of Divine accident.

Why do so many marriages fail? Because nobody gets taught how to be married. We’re not taught how to pick a mate, or why to pick a mate; we don’t know how to manage our emotions once we’re in a marriage; we don’t know how to resolve marital conflict. Married people have never been taught why they or their spouses feel the way they do and act the way they do. Nobody has ever taught us the fundamentals.