Mark Twain

When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man’s moral constitution and make a temporary fool of him besides, what excuse are you going to offer for preaching it, teaching it, extending it, perpetuating it? Shall you say, the best good of the country demands allegiance to party? Shall you also say it demands that a man kick his truth and his conscience into the gutter, and become a mouthing lunatic, besides?

Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society. Who shall say that this is not the golden age of mutual trust, of unlimited reliance upon human promises? That is a peculiar condition of society which enables a whole nation to instantly recognize point and meaning in the familiar newspaper anecdote, which puts into the mouth of a distinguished speculator in lands and mines this remark: – I wasn’t worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two millions of dollars.

My parents were neither very poor nor conspicuously honest.

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Work like you don’t need the money, love like you’ve never been hurt, and dance like nobody is watching.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping.

Each man takes care that his neighbor shall not cheat him. But a day comes when he begins to care that he does not cheat his neighbor. Then all goes well — he has changed his market-cart into a chariot of the sun.

A friend is a second self.

You don’t have to love everything a person does to love that person.

Be honest, brutally honest. That is what’s going to maintain relationships.

I probably didn’t handle things as diplomatically as I should.

Robert Pattinson should not take back Kristen Stewart. She cheated on him like a dog and will do it again – just watch. He can do much better!

She was not for everyone, but she was for me.

Kiss me, and you will see how important I am.

There is nothing wrong with your marriage if you’re dealing with bills and kids and the broken garbage disposal and in-laws and work demands. That’s a normal marriage.

[On hooking up romantically with co-stars] It’s understandable. You’re in situations with an actress where you’re supposed to be intimate, physical, and vulnerable with each other, and sometimes feelings get crossed. It’s like you’re away at summer camp and it seems to make sense, but when you go back home, the reality is that it may not be a situation you want to be in.

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.

I don’t understand how in my parents’ age, it was ’til death do us part, and in mine it’s ’til cheating do us part, ’til lying do us part, ’til chemistry do us part, ’til disagreements do us part, ’til boredom do us part, ’til cowardice do us part. I just want what my parents have, that part.

Lasting love and forgiveness are two sides of the same page.

Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody.

If I don’t have friends, then I ain’t got nothing.