I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping.
More quotes by Mark Twain
It is by the goodness of God that we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
A joke, even if it be a lame one, is nowhere so keenly relished or quickly applauded as in a murder trial.
More quotes about Life
The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.
Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.