Mark Twain

The more I learn about people, the better I like my dog.

Better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest labor I’ve dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it down till the average is three and a half… I never write metropolis for seven cents, because I can get the same money for city. I never write policeman, because I can get the same price for cop…. I never write valetudinarian at all, for not even hunger and wretchedness can humble me to the point where I will do a word like that for seven cents; I wouldn’t do it for fifteen.

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Ah, but I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now.

He was a man, take him for all in all, I shall not look upon his like again.

The little I know I owe to my ignorance.

I feel like I got a pile of cattle chasing my ass, and I’m pedaling as hard as I can to stay in front of ‘em. I’m looking behind me driving like hell.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

When you make changes in your life, make sure you’re moving toward the things you want.

If you’re interested in ‘balancing’ work and pleasure, stop trying to balance them. Instead make your work more pleasurable.

Every man is entitled to make a darn fool of himself at least once in a lifetime.’ -Regarding Great War Peace Ship

Anxiety is the hand maiden of creativity.

Sailing round the world in a dirty gondola oh, to be back in the land of Coca-Cola!

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.

When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about.

Whoever is happy will make others happy too.

Every one of us have things that we believe about ourselves when nobody else is looking, nobody else is listening, nobody else is monitoring what we’re doing. We believe things about ourselves.