Mark Twain

Adam was the luckiest man; he had no mother-in-law.

A crank is someone with a new idea – until it catches on.

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.

A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.

I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.

Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion – several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn’t straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother’s path to happiness and heaven.

Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a man of some sense to know how to lie well.

There’s a world of difference between truth and facts. Facts can obscure truth.

It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

Tell me anyway–Maybe I can find the truth by comparing the lies.

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain’t so.

Truth will always be truth, regardless of lack of understanding, disbelief or ignorance.

Let them look up in the sky then…! if they must be so blind, that cannot see the truth in broad daylight, but must have the whole world in darkness to see the conceit of the stars…

All truth is not to be told at all times.

Why shouldn’t truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

The bullsh*t is more interesting than the truth.

Do not seek the truth, only cease to cherish your opinions.

All the truth in the world adds up to one big lie.

Truth is a good dog; but always beware of barking too close to the heels of an error, lest you get your brains kicked out.

Man has always sacrificed truth to his vanity, comfort and advantage. He lives by makebelieve.

The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it and ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.