Mark Twain

It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.

A habit cannot be tossed out the window; it must be coaxed down the stairs a step at a time.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Hain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain’t that a big enough majority in any town?

War talk by men who have been in a war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has not been in the moon is likely to be dull.

You perceive I generalize with intrepidity from single instances. It is the tourist’s custom.

The most closely organized groups and movements in the world are those which have been the least friendly to the people’s progress and liberty.

People who are capable of and fit for freedom liberate themselves from physical thralldom by substituting mind for muscle.

I love the beach. I love the sea. All my life I live within – in front of the sea.

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

When I was practicing psychology, I used to tell myself if I ever get to where I’m just doing this for the money or I’m just going through the motions, I’ll quit.

If what you’re doing isn’t working, change it.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

Worry is the most wasteful thing in the world.

What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.

He was a man, take him for all in all, I shall not look upon his like again.

But to do for the world more than the world does for you, that is Success.

I feel like I got a pile of cattle chasing my ass, and I’m pedaling as hard as I can to stay in front of ‘em. I’m looking behind me driving like hell.

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth.

Teach children not to be gullible.