Mark Twain

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

If to be interesting is to be uncommonplace, it is becoming a question, with me, if there are any commonplace people.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

Pity the man who has a character to support – it is worse than a large family – he is silent poor indeed.

It is the nature of babies to be in bliss.

When the righteous man truth away from his righteousness that he hath committed and doeth that which is neither quite lawful nor quite right, he will generally be found to have gained in amiability what he has lost in holiness.

Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.

If you lose money you lose much, If you lose friends you lose more, If you lose faith you lose all.

That’s what a man wants in a wife, mostly; he wants to make sure one fool tells him he’s wise.

The trouble with you Chicago people is that you think you are the best people down here, whereas you are merely the most numerous.

In traveling, a man must carry knowledge with him, if he would bring home knowledge.

Beauty is all very well at first sight; but who ever looks at it when it has been in the house three days?

O Lord, help me not to despise or oppose what I do not understand.

Every mind must make its choice between truth and repose. It cannot have both.

Never be bored, and you will never be boring.

If you weren’t such a great man, you’d be a terrible bore.

Appearances matter – and remember to smile.

Something made greater by ourselves and in turn that makes us greater.