Mark Twain

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

A myriad of men are born; they labor and sweat and struggle; …they squabble and scold and fight; they scramble for little mean advantages over each other; age creeps upon them; infirmities follow; …those they love are taken from them, and the joy of life is turned to aching grief. It comes at last-the only unpoisoned gift earth ever had for them-and they vanish from a world where they were of no consequence, …a world which will lament them a day and forget them forever.

I believe that our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.

It is a most mortifying reflection for a man to consider what he has done, compared to what he might have done.

But to do for the world more than the world does for you, that is Success.

Once you discover that you can, then you must.

You’ll turn out ordinary if you’re not careful.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

[on Diana’s Death] Disbelief, refused to accept it.

It is a fabulous country, the only fabulous country; it is the only place where miracles not only happen, but they happen all of the time.

If I’d known I’d live to be a 100 I’d have taken much better care of myself.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.

All begins with you surrounding yourself with the right people—the good and authentic people—and “unsurrounding” yourself with the wrong people. And we both know there are plenty of wrong people in this world.

If you want more, you have to require more from yourself.

If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much.

Most conversations are simply monologues delivered in the presence of witnesses.