John Lennon

Work is life, you know, and without it, there’s nothing but fear and insecurity.

Music is everybody’s possession. It’s only publishers who think that people own it.

These critics with the illusions they’ve created about artists – it’s like idol worship. They only like people when they’re on their way up… I cannot be on the way up again.

Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.

All we are saying is give peace a chance.

Songwriting is about getting the demon out of me. It’s like being possessed. You try to go to sleep, but the song won’t let you. So you have to get up and make it into something, and then you’re allowed to sleep. It’s always in the middle of the night, or you’re half-awake or tired, when your critical faculties are switched off. So letting go is what the whole game is. Every time you try to put your finger on it, it slips away. You turn on the lights and the cockroaches run away. You can never grasp them…

So many people try to grow up too fast, and it’s not fun! You should stay a kid as long as possible!

I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.

Wow, that is hard to watch. Hi, this is Ted Cruz, just calling to remind you to vote for a man who insulted my wife and said my dad helped kill JFK. Anyway, life has no meaning. Thank you. I want to die.

I walked into this industry blond with red lips, and I will leave this industry blond with red lips. Mark my words.

Making a movie requires 20 to 500 people to make and a lot of money and the stakes are a lot higher.

Trying to be a leader in a sort of very atypical workplace like ‘Saturday Night Live’ forces you to realize that no one wants you to be their leader. If you can help them get their thing on TV or whatever, they want that. But no adult is looking for a role model.

I don’t like my feet. I’m not crazy about anybody’s feet. But I have flat feet.

But with the right kind of coaching and determination you can accomplish anything and the biggest accomplishment that I feel I got from the film was overcoming that fear.

The weird thing is, when Darrell Hammond or Will Ferrell or Dana Carvey did an impersonation of a president, no one assumed it was personal, but because Sarah Palin and I are both women and people think women are meaner to each other, everyone assumed it was personal.

To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.

The joy we get as actors is out of transforming ourselves into something that’s not necessarily anything true to ourselves. And it’s a power – not being yourself, and being in the role; it’s just like another prop.

Just tried watching Modern Family – written by a moron, really boring. Writer has the mind of a very dumb and backward child. Sorry Danny!

Tell her: jealousy is a disease, die slow.

[to troops in Iraq] I’m looking at a group of heavily armed people here. I’m telling myself ‘if you’re not funny, it’s a problem’

I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.