Tina Fey

I think for women especially, you need to have a plan. I need to have some other ways to generate income, so I don’t have to stretch my face or lift the top of my head with surgery or something.

Most of the time you’re too busy to think about it. But every now and then you say, ‘I work at ‘Saturday Night Live ‘ and that is so cool.

I really wasn’t heavy in high school. But no one feels right in their own skin, particularly in high school.

The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two year suspension for a lawyer caught having jailhouse sex with a triple murder defendant she was representing. Haha! Jokes on you, dummies…I’m not really a lawyer.

The only way I could get comfortable around people was to make them laugh. I was an obedient girl, and humor was my one form of rebellion.

I would not trade any of these features for anybody else’s. I wouldn’t trade the small thin-lipped mouth that makes me resemble my nephew. I wouldn’t even trade the acne scar on my right cheek, because that recurring zit spent more time with me in college than any boy ever did.

When you are writing a script, you can’t help but stop and daydream about which actors are going to play the parts, and I kind of imagined Natalie Portman. Not just because she is beautiful, because obviously she is, but she is a wonderful actress who hasn’t had a chance in a long time to show the world how talented she is.

I just want to make the best music of all time with my best friends.

I sleep with my baby blanket, Kiki, that my nana made for me.

I’m just chatty. But I do express my opinion.

I have no talent except for being able to enjoy and recognize it in others.

A lot of kids join the army to get a college education. That’s why they do it, and they get sent into these horrible situations.

[on Kylie Jenner’s cover shoot] I need a half hour to cry

Ghost stories really scare me. I have such a big imagination that after I watch a horror movie like The Grudge, I look in the corners of my room for the next two days.

Mom would kill me if I showed my navel.

I laugh about it now. It was ridiculous, and it was calculatedly decadent. It was pretty horrendous, really. I remember feeling a bit ill at times. You know, in those days, the thing was to live it. And we lived it and loved it, and it was great. But that is another era.

I do worry – a lot.

No person who does not reside in Canada shall induce electors to vote for or refrain from voting for a particular candidate. And apparently anyone found guilty of doing that could be fined up to $5,000, given a six-month jail term, or both. That is a ridiculous law and I guess what you’re saying, Canada, is do you wanna dance?.

I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.

I just feel my sexuality is private. I’m very shy about being sexy. That part of me has been so closed to the public eye. I’ve sold millions of records with my clothes on.

Everybody has forgotten about showmanship. People don’t look like rock stars any more. They just look like regular dudes off the street.