Mark Twain

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain’t so.

I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place a woman she is an ornament to society and a treasure to the world. As a sweetheart, she has few equals and no superiors; as a cousin, she is convenient; as a wealthy grandmother with an incurable distemper, she is precious; as a wet-nurse, she has no equal among men. What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

If I only had a little humility, I’d be perfect.

A goal is a dream with a finish line.

When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball.

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.

Time is what we want most, but what we use worst.

I’ve been trying for some time to develop a lifestyle that doesn’t require my presence.

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find how far one can go.

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

We do not know who we are until we see what we can do.