Mark Twain

Who prays for Satan? Who, in 1,800 years, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Wit and Humor – if any difference, it is in duration – lightning and electric light. Same material, apparently; but one is vivid, and can do damage – the other fools along and enjoys elaboration.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep and never to refrain when awake.

There are two types of speakers, those that are nervous and those that are liars.

Shallow people believe in luck and in circumstances; Strong people believe in cause and effect.

I think that age is irrelevant. We’re all pretty much spiritual beings – I consider myself to be about eighty-five. I feel like I’m ancient, like two thousand years old.

Sir, they are a race of convicts, and ought to be thankful for anything we allow them short of hanging.

If the announcer can produce the impression that he is a gentlemen, he may pronounce as he pleases.

Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.

My favorite nightcap, after all this time, is still the cocktail of you.

My emancipation don’t fit your equation.

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it.

Our whole life is startlingly moral. There is never an instant’s truce between virtue and vice.

I like the silent church before the service begins, better than any preaching.

Self-trust is the essence of heroism.

Our necessities are few, but our wants are endless.

The country life is to be preferred, for there we see the works of God; but in cities little else but the works of men. And the one makes a better subject for contemplation than the other.

If a man’s eye is on the Eternal, his intellect will grow.