Mark Twain

I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping.

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.

The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes we had brought from the wilds of America. They observed that we talked loudly at table sometimes. They noticed that we looked out for expenses and got what we conveniently could out of a franc, and wondered where in the mischief we came from. In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

As a thinker and planner the ant is the equal of any savage race of men; as a self-educated specialist in several arts she is the superior of any savage race of men; and in one or two high mental qualities she is above the reach of any man, savage or civilized!

It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

I suppose every old scholar has had the experience of reading something in a book which was significant to him, but which he could never find again. Sure he is that he read it there, but no one else ever read it, nor can he find it again, though he buy the book and ransack every page.

My reputation grows with every failure.

Those who do not move, do not notice their chains.

Anything too stupid to be said is sung.

You may try but you can never imagine what it is to have a man’s form of genius in you, and to suffer the slavery of being a girl.

Life is the art of drawing sufficient conclusions from insufficient premises.

Where women love each other, men learn to smother their mutual dislike.

Suspicions that the mind, of itself, gathers, are but buzzes; but suspicions that are artificially nourished and put into men’s heads by the tales and whisperings of others, have stings.

There are truths which are not for all men, nor for all times.

There is nothing makes a man suspect much, more than to know little, and therefore men should remedy suspicion by procuring to know more, and not keep their suspicions in smother.

After the first blush of sin comes its indifference.

The one who cannot restrain their anger will wish undone, what their temper and irritation prompted them to do.

A picture is a poem without words.

Our best thoughts come from others.

If you must hold yourself up to your children as an object lesson, hold yourself up as a warning and not an example.