Mark Twain

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret anything. That makes you smile.

No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.

Often, the less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it.

You perceive I generalize with intrepidity from single instances. It is the tourist’s custom.

A few strong instincts and a few plain rules suffice us.

They say that history repeats itself, so if you don’t learn from the past you will make the same mistakes. So I have become an archaeologist of my own history. Digging up what has long since been buried, exhuming those forgotten fragments. Trying to distinguish what is real from folklore, trying to gain understanding, rather than relying on myths.

If you have nothing to say, say nothing.

No man will be a sailor who has contrivance enough to get himself into a jail; for being in a ship is being in a jail, with the chance of being drowned… a man in a jail has more room, better food, and commonly better company.

She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts.

When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one.

Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.

Do not tell me of my obligation to put all poor men in good situations. Are they my poor? I tell thee, thou foolish philanthropist, that I grudge the dollar, the dime, the cent, I give to such men as do not belong to me and to whom I do not belong.

Recognize the ego for what it is: a collective dysfunction, the insanity of the human mind.

In fine, he that is drunk is not a Man: Because he is so long void of Reason, that distinguishes a Man from a Beast.

The world is seldom what it seems; to man, who dimly sees, realities appear as dreams, and dreams realities.

History may not repeat itself, but it does rhyme a lot

Tis a rule of manners to avoid exaggeration.

A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.