Mark Twain

We are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change place with an easy and blessed facility, and we are soon wonted to the change and happy in it.

Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.

By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain’t so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good.

It is just good practice to do a situational scan and have situational awareness when you are out in the world.

I have 100 percent Bronx pride like it’s a country like I AM the Bronx.

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.

First we make our habits, then our habits make us.

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

I don’t care about anyone not liking me, you b**thes barely like yourselves.

People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. You should be an open book, be transparent.

The smart way to keep people passive and obedient is to strictly limit the spectrum of acceptable opinion, but allow very lively debate within that spectrum.

I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers. A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will.

I don’t let go of concepts – I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.

Man has to suffer. When he has no real afflictions, he invents some.

[To Robertson] I think you should move to California. Malibu is paradise. You can always change your mind. Why don’t you just let me put this together? I’ll get you a house in the Malibu Colony.

You philosophers are lucky men. You write on paper and paper is patient. Unfortunate Empress that I am, I write on the susceptible skins of living beings.

If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.