Mark Twain

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain’t so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.

I haven’t any right to criticize books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticize Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can’t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Every time I read Pride and Prejudice I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.

When I was fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have him around. When I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.

When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.

The personal life deeply lived always expands into truths beyond itself.

Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself; but talent instantly recognizes genius.

Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy.

Chop your own wood and it will warm you twice.

I accept chaos, I’m not sure whether it accepts me.

I don’t follow what everybody else does.

The satisfaction that arises from honest accomplishment is of far more value in the promotion of human happiness than the thrill that comes with the realization of materialistic aspirations.

The achievement of one goal should be the starting point of another.

Learn when’s a good time to shut up.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.

Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow.

Creativity is a renewable resource. Be as creative as you like, as often as you like, because you can never run out!