Mark Twain

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

The older we grow the greater becomes our wonder at how much ignorance one can contain without bursting one’s clothes.

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thought that is forever flowing through one’s head.

The way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.

Wagon Train was on. It seemed to be beaming in from some foreign country. I shut that off, too, and went into another room, a windowless one with a painted door – a dark cavern with a floor-to-ceiling library. I switched on the lamps. The place had an overpowering presence of literature and you couldn’t help but lose your passion for dumbness.

I don’t know how to drive.

I find that when you have a real interest in life and a curious life, that sleep is not the most important thing.

We want to reproduce all those instruments which were prepared and used in America once upon a time.

My view is, first you get them to laugh, then you get them to listen. So I’m always game for a good joke, and I’m not so formal in this role. There’s very little that we can’t do that people wouldn’t appreciate.

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others.

There are some sick people in this world.

Its a choice. You just have to decide that I’m not going to put my energy there. I’m going to decide to let this go. It’s your choice. You can embrace it, you can become a prisoner of bitterness and resentment anger and victim city, or you can just say ‘I’m going to live my life and be happy’.

And when they played they really played. And when they worked they really worked.

Suppression of progress plays into the hands of the social enemy. Every advance in social justice establishes the nation.

Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn.

Nature has no mercy at all. Nature says, I’m going to snow. If you have on a bikini and no snowshoes, that’s tough. I am going to snow anyway.

Man is the only animal that blushes – or needs to.

Never be afraid to laugh at yourself, after all, you could be missing out on the joke of the century.