Mark Twain

There it is: it doesn’t make any difference who we are or what we are, there’s always somebody to look down on! somebody to hold in light esteem, somebody to be indifferent about.

Damn the subjunctive. It brings all our writers to shame.

Let us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles; it will make clear and simple many things which are involved in haunting and harassing difficulties and obscurities now.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.

The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of ungraceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.

It is much easier to show compassion to animals. They are never wicked.

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.

The more I learn about people, the better I like my dog.

Are cats lazy? Well, more power to them if they are. Which one of us has not entertained the dream of doing just as he likes, when and how he likes, and as much as he likes?

Animals are such agreeable friends – they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.

I’d like to devote about three years to the elimination of the cow. There’s not reason in the world why the chemist can’t discover the cow’s secret of converting vegetation into dairy products. And there’s less reason why the chemist can’t do a better job of it after he learns how.

Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really.

By what right has the dog come to be regarded as a noble animal? The more brutal and cruel and unjust you are to him the more your fawning and adoring slave he becomes; whereas, if you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward-you will never get her full confidence again.

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, he turned into a butterfly.

Don’t ever wrestle with a pig. You’ll both get dirty, but the pig will enjoy it.

The more I know about people, the more I like dogs. I simply like animals.

Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish.