Mark Twain

If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.

I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

You will find only what you bring in.

Art is the path of the creator to his work.

There is no wisdom in useless and hopeless sorrow, but there is something in it so like virtue, that he who is wholly without it cannot be loved.

When I feel like dancing, I dance. I don’t care if anyone else is dancing or if everyone else is laughing at me. I dance.

Every man has his own courage, and is betrayed because he seeks in himself the courage of other persons.

Youth, which is forgiven everything, forgives itself nothing: age, which forgives itself everything, is forgiven nothing.

There is nothing which at once affects a man so much and so little as his own death.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

With a burst of joy, my heels sprout wings, smile dancing. My heart sings like a bird caged, set free to soar, senses heightened like never before. Life. Is. Good.

The tallest trees are most in the power of the winds, and ambitious men of the blasts of fortune.

Necessity, who is the mother of invention.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

It is lamentable, that to be a good patriot one must become the enemy of the rest of mankind.

Sir, you have but two topics, yourself and me. I am sick of both.

No man undertakes a trade he has not learned, even the meanest; yet everyone thinks himself sufficiently qualified for the hardest of all trades, that of government.