David Mitchell

I have insecurities, of course, but I don’t hang out with anyone who points them out to me.

I am an eternally deluded person. No one is as deluded as I am. How clear this is to me when I do zazen!

Don’t ever call a girl fat. Even if you’re joking.

The way I define beauty is individuality and wisdom, which I think creates a certain inner confidence. And not confidence in a way that’s only on the surface, but a deep-down knowing of yourself or settling into who you are.

I’m just a broken person looking for other broken people who may have gotten shards of me stuck in their feet and aren’t too concerned about pulling them out.

As everybody knows, but the haters and losers refuse to acknowledge, I do not wear a wig.My hair may not be perfect but it’s mine.

I’m really happy to be me, and I’d like to think people like me more because I’m happy with myself and not because I refuse to conform to anything.

I always want to think of myself as an underdog.

Madame, you must be gay; only thus can life be endured. I speak from experience for I have had to endure much, and have only been able to endure it because I have always laughed whenever I had the chance.

I’ve never had a problem with how I look. I’d rather have lunch with friends than go to the gym.

Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest -and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault!

If one cannot get along without a mirror, even in shaving oneself, how can one reconstruct oneself or one’s life, without seeing oneself in the mirror of literature?

I am always with myself, and it is I who am my tormentor.

Part of me suspects that I’m a loser, and the other part of me thinks I’m God Almighty.

I have an attention span that’s as long as it has to be.