Chelsea Handler

The day of the Christmas Card shoot was wild! No one would get it together so we couldn’t get a full card!

There has always been a tremendous obsession with television and movie stars, and with the people involved with the business.

I found that the more truthful and vulnerable I was, the more empowering it was for me.

If The Beatles or the 60’s had a message, it was ‘Learn to swim. And once you’ve learned – swim!’

A lot of times we talk about the politics of it, the unfairness of it, which is all true, but I think it’s clearer to people when you go, ‘Hey, that hurts my feelings.’

If you’re wondering why I was only nominated for three of the categories tonight, it’s because I don’t swallow.

By the time you are in your 40s, what you want to wear and what you think is sexy is not always, like, for another person. It’s what makes you feel good.

In Hollywood they say there’s no business like show business. In the hood they say there’s no business like ho’ business.

Even in 2008 – which was probably the most exciting political cycle I experienced while at SNL – there was a sense of a hangover afterwards. But this time, it has been relentless, and we’re only relentless in what we’re doing because [the Trump administration is] so relentless in what they’re doing. So this is all a reactive relentlessness.

(While accepting the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor for Good Will Hunting) Most of all, I want to thank my father, up there, the man who when I said I wanted to be an actor, he said, ‘Wonderful. Just have a back-up profession like welding.’

I don’t think I’m very much like anyone else, really. I’m sure there are aspects of other actors that I share, but I don’t see anybody else and go, “Damn, they stole my thing”. I’m me, and I like that there are people who have an appreciation for that.

No person who does not reside in Canada shall induce electors to vote for or refrain from voting for a particular candidate. And apparently anyone found guilty of doing that could be fined up to $5,000, given a six-month jail term, or both. That is a ridiculous law and I guess what you’re saying, Canada, is do you wanna dance?.

Everything I do stems from something personal, not just because it will look good on paper or be a tax write-off.

No matter what we say, entertainers are usually quite insecure, wobbly characters underneath, and maybe that bit of glory or that bit of expression or whatever it is compensates in some area.

I’m keeping the pixie. I hope I inspire people… it’s really cool to have short hair.