Tina Fey

I have Faith Popcorn on retainer. I’m sorry-what I meant to say is that I have popcorn stuck in my retainer.

We’re all comedy fans in my family. My parents mainly wouldn’t let me watch stuff that was either annoying to them, or just garbage. My dad wouldn’t let us watch ‘The Flintstones’ if he was home, because he said it was a rip-off of ‘The Honeymooners’. But he would let us stay up really late in the summer and watch old ‘Honeymooners’.

The show doesn’t go on because it’s ready; it goes on because it’s 11:30.

Do your thing and don’t care if they don’t like it.

It was reported that the New York Knicks have won all 12 of the home games attended by magician David Blaine. A spokesman for the Knicks said, ‘if this is what it takes to win, it’s not worth it.’

How do you expect me to see your nasty-looking eye ball if you don’t look straight ahead?

When I’m no longer rapping I want to open up an ice-cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg.

A lot of people can’t stand touring but to me it’s like breathing. I do it because I’m driven to do it.

The day of the Christmas Card shoot was wild! No one would get it together so we couldn’t get a full card!

I think women dress for other women to let them know what their deal is. Because if women were only dressing for men, there would be nothing but Victoria’s Secret. There would be no Dior.

I tend to lean on the side of pessimism and I wish I could be more optimistic. I wish I could be better at taking things for what they are – not analyzing them – but just going about my life.

I have a suspicion that the definition of ‘crazy’ in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to f-ck her anymore. The only person I can think of that has escaped the ‘crazy’ moniker is Betty White, which, obviously, is because people still want to have sex with her.

I was born in ’74, so I missed out on all the great early ’60s and early ’70s.

As a child I was the best tree climber in our neighbourhood, I was like a little monkey. I’ve never been afraid of hurting myself or a little physical discomfort.

I’m having a great time. I get to travel and see the world. And yeah, I’ll have a family, because I don’t want to miss out on that amazing experience, but it’s not defining who I am.

In Los Angeles, they don’t want you to fail, they want you to die.

I’ve watched the Emmys for almost my whole life, so it was crazy to finally be there in the audience clapping and actually going on stage. Hopefully one day I’ll get to be actually nominated.

I don’t enjoy any kind of danger or volatility. I don’t have that kind of ‘I love the bad guys’ thing. No, no thank you. I like nice people.

My career has been a combination of hard work and timing. Working with Stevie Wonder at the Kennedy Center Honors was timing. The Tonight Show was timing. Carnegie Hall, that was timing. My marriage was timing. I was ready, I wanted to know what it was like.

I used to always feel awkward around a lot of rappers. Other people came from hustling and all that. Sometimes it was harder to relate. People would look down on me for the way I dressed, because my raps weren’t really that good – it was like, ‘Just shut up and do beats.’

If I say a rap and I laugh, that means it’s a winner.