Ambrose Bierce

Scriptures, n.: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

Leaders inspire. They aren’t assigned leadership. They command it.

I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some.

Most of the sickness in the world is caused by eating too much.

This is your life and the clock is ticking.

Here I am alive, and it’s not my fault, so I have to try and get by as best I can without hurting anybody until death takes over.

Writing is good, thinking is better. Cleverness is good, patience is better.

A man can’t ‘just be friends’ with another woman. Period.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

If the doctor told me I had six minutes to live, I’d type a little faster.

When you embark for strange places don’t leave any of yourself safely at the shore… Have the nerve to go into unexplored territory.

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.

Well, the future for me is already a thing of the past.

She had no need to ask why he had come. She knew as certainly as if he had told her that he was here to be where she was.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping.