Tina Fey

You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to f**k it.

I have no enabler bone in my body – not one. I’m sort of like, ‘Oh, are you going crazy? I’ll be back in an hour.’

I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian.

When I was really young, I loved the movie ‘White Christmas’ – I still do – and I thought Rosemary Clooney was so pretty. When I was, like, nine, I would tell people, ‘You know who I kind of look like? Rosemary Clooney.’

You have to let people see what you wrote. It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring.

They made a porn movie about Sarah Palin, and the same actress, Lisa Ann, played me in the porn version of 30 Rock. Weirdly, of the three of us, Lisa Ann knows the most about foreign policy.

It’s nice to always make an effort when you get photographed.

As we wind on down the road, our shadows taller than our souls.

I certainly didn’t want to date. I was through with guys.

My dad said to me the other day, I really am an artistic person. I was shocked as I never saw him as a creative. I think me and my sisters are living out that side of him as my sister is another creative person, she’s a songwriter.

The crime rates among immigrants once [in the United States] are in relatively tiny digits, which is something Donald Trump should frankly understand given that he has ten of them attached to his miniscule wrists.

I’m very wary of talking about statements. I’m a storyteller, I’m an actor, an entertainer.

There’s a lot of contemporary actresses I admire, but there’s practically no one who’s made a color movie whose career I’d want … I don’t feel very modern at all.

Netflix is like sitting at the cool kids’ table. Netflix is amazing. We’re the biggest fans of not only working there but of the company in general.

I’m not very experienced with boys or the whole dating thingy.

I realized that sometimes I move so fast I don’t even see where I’ve been with any great perspective. I look into the now and slightly into the future, but rarely into the past. Searching and querying and mining the great terrain of life and relationships is where I’m at right now.

I’d like to win an Oscar.

I guess each relationship is different. That’s what I love about relationships. Even when they end, you’ve learned so very much, so much to take into your next relationship and to take into your life. It’s the greatest thing that comes out of an ending – so it depends on the person.

Everybody knows me by this scent called Pink Sugar.

[In 1994] I wouldn’t offer $5 million to stop a book about me! It’s absurd. People will do anything for attention.

That’s exactly what Dale Sr. was going to do. It was, ‘When I quit, I’ve got somewhere to go. I’ve spent my money, made my name. This is where I want to be.’ Junior is in the same suit.