Tina Fey

The Washington State Supreme Court on Thursday announced a two year suspension for a lawyer caught having jailhouse sex with a triple murder defendant she was representing. Haha! Jokes on you, dummies…I’m not really a lawyer.

I don’t want to be somebody else.

Dictionary.com defines ‘Amy Poehler’ as ‘results not found. I take that as a testament to your uniqueness.’

A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I’m on my game.

I really wasn’t heavy in high school. But no one feels right in their own skin, particularly in high school.

Twitter seems like a busman’s holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I’ll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I’m old-fashioned that way.

What I’m doing is making sure that I have a balance, and that allows me, I think, to be a better actor and to more easily and quickly access all of the emotions on the scale. I make sure that I read a book on the weekend or read something or do my knitting or do the things that I need to do for myself, like ‘Game of Thrones.’ Get that balance.

I don’t know how many millions of photographs have been taken of me.

I’ve always wanted to play Maria in West Side Story. My idol is Natalie Wood, and I love the movie, so I think a modern-day twist on it would be really neat.

I’ve had many nicknames over the years: V, Nessa, Nessy Poo, Nessy Bear and Van. Only my parents call me Van, though, and I hate it. I get embarrassed.

I don’t think Disney gets enough credit as a director. When people talk about their favourite directors of all time, Disney has some dope movies under his belt too.

This Velvet Mafia thing is just another homophobic, nasty kind of thing that jealous queens make up.

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

When it’s not your gig, you’re like, ‘I’m just gonna go to bed!’

Thank you to Kanye West and the fact that he is willing to tell the TRUTH. One new and great FACT – African American unemployment is the lowest ever recorded in the history of our Country. So honored by this. Thank you Kanye for your support. It is making a big difference!

For a while I was like, “Oh my God, anyone that would release an album as an actor is the biggest fool ever”, but I happened to have sung all my life before I was an actor. Why are musicians allowed to become actors? No one ever gives them flack for that.

I want to try a lot of things that I haven’t tried. You know, I did a thriller (Red Eye) after this, because it was so different and it was a genre I hadn’t worked in yet. Then I did a beautiful family ensemble drama. And next? I don’t know. I might go off to do a small independent in New York. I’m not sure. The quality of material is important but, basically, I’m open to anything. I like to stay open to anything.

It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver. Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.

I wanted my voice to be a tenor sax, really.

There’s only one person for every job. You can try all you want, but if you’re not right for it, you’re not gonna get it.

[To a psychedelic rock sextet call Strawberry Alarm Clock] We’re going to get you six Ed Sullivan shows and we’re going to get you on Janis Joplin’s next tour. [After the meeting on being told by Schiffman ‘David, what are you doing? Six Ed Sullivan shows? Are you kidding? Janis Joplin wouldn’t piss on these people! We are not going to give them any Janis Joplin dates’] If they have another hit, we’ll get them one Ed Sullivan show, and we’ll get them a couple of dates on somebody else’s tour. I don’t care. And if they don’t have another hit, well, f*ck ’em.