Mark Twain

The more I learn about people, the better I like my dog.

I was exceedingly delighted with the waltz, and also with the polka. These differ in name, but there the difference ceases

Of the delights of this world, man cares most for sexual intercourse. He will go to any length for it-risk fortune, character, reputation, life itself.

I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.

When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.

Anything too stupid to be said is sung.

I at least have so much to do in unraveling certain human lots, and seeing how they were woven and interwoven, that all the light I can command must be concentrated on this particular web, and not dispersed over that tempting range of relevancies called the universe.

I would live to study, and not study to live.

Nakedness is uncomely, as well in mind as body, and it addeth no small reverence to men’s manners and actions if they be not altogether open. Therefore set it down: That a habit of secrecy is both politic and moral.

It is sound judgment to put on a bold face and play your hand for a hundred times what it is worth; forty-nine times out of fifty nobody dares to call it, and you roll in the chips.

A jay hasnt got any more principle than a Congressman. A jay will lie, a jay will steal, a jay will deceive, a jay will betray; and four times out of five, a jay will go back on his solemnest promise.

A home without a cat-and a well-fed, well-petted and properly revered cat-may be a perfect home, perhaps, but how can it prove title?

Meditation is the dissolution of thoughts in Eternal awareness or Pure consciousness without objectification, knowing without thinking, merging finitude in infinity.

The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend.

It requires a great deal of boldness and a great deal of caution to make a great fortune, and when you have it, it requires ten times as much skill to keep it.

The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.

The years between fifty and seventy are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.

The best armor is to keep out of gunshot.

True godliness does not turn men out of the world, but enables them to live better in it and excites their endeavors to mend it.

When you have told anyone you have left him a legacy the only decent thing to do is to die at once.