Mark Twain

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.

Warm summer sun, shine kindly here. Warm southern wind, blow softly here. Green sod above, lie light, lie light. Good night, dear Heart, Good night, good night.

Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.

Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish.

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people but if we tried to shut up the insane we would run out of building materials.

You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.

A gentleman is one who puts more into the world than he takes out.

With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts.

The mouth obeys poorly when the heart murmurs.

If a man’s wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics.

Preaching is the expression of moral sentiments applied to the duties of life.

Sympathetic people often don’t communicate well, they back reflected images which hide their own depths.

Pride is seldom delicate; it will please itself with very mean advantages.

The presence of a noble nature, generous in its wishes, ardent in its charity, changes the lights for us: we begin to see things again in their larger, quieter masses, and to believe that we too can be seen and judged in the wholeness of our character.

To every disadvantage there is a corresponding advantage.

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

Valor consists in the power of self recovery.

The way it is now, the asylums can hold the sane people but if we tried to shut up the insane we would run out of building materials.

Socialists think profits are a vice; I consider losses the real vice.

We’re comic. We’re all comics. We live in a comic time. And the worse it gets the more comic we are.