Mark Twain

Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

True irreverence is disrespect for another man’s god.

Gratitude is a debt which usually goes on accumulating like blackmail; the more you pay, the more is exacted. In time, you are made to realize that the kindness done you is become a curse and you wish it had not happened.

Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

A day for toil, an hour for sport, but for a friend is life too short.

Life is a disease; and the only difference between one man and another is the stage of the disease at which he lives. You are always at the crisis: I am always in the convalescent stage.

What do we live for; if it is not to make life less difficult to each other?

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.

A man seldom thinks with more earnestness of anything than he does of his dinner.

The Athanasian Creed is to me light and intelligible reading in comparison with much that now passes for science.

A prudent question is one-half of wisdom.

Do not bring people in your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts … good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt. They’re not painful. That’s not just with somebody you want to marry, but it’s with the friends that you choose. It’s with the people you surround yourselves with.

Men love to wonder and that is the seed of our science.

Let your family, staff, and friends know that you’re still the same person, despite all the publicity and notoriety that accompanies your position.

There is no love sincerer than the love of food.

To die is but to leave off dying and do the thing once for all.

The ear is the avenue to the heart.

Belief consists in accepting the affirmations of the soul; unbelief, in denying them.

I have found men to be more kind than I expected, and less just.