Mark Twain

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Principles aren’t of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season.

Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.

There’s always something about your success that displeases even your best friends.

In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities.

Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.

Hain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain’t that a big enough majority in any town?

Eighty percent of all questions are statements in disguise.

What is important is not the right doctrine but the attainment of the true experience. It is giving up believing in belief.

Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.

For to tempt and to be tempted are things very nearly allied – whenever feeling has anything to do in the matter, no sooner is it excited than we have already gone vastly farther than we are aware of.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

I think I always feel like if everything went to shit, I would just teach improv at a theatre.

He who is not busy being born is busy dying.

We’ll love you just the way you are if you’re perfect.

Life’s three best teachers: heartbreak, empty pocket, failures.

Scriptures, n.: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.

By a museum, I assume you mean an institution dedicated to the events of Sept. 11 and the aftermath. If that is done with sensitivity, I think it would be most appropriate.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist.

What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.