Mark Twain

So I became a newspaperman. I hated to do it but I couldnt find honest employment.

To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know, I’ve done it a thousand times.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

In Nevada, for a time, the lawyer, the editor, the banker, the chief desperado, the chief gambler, and the saloon-keeper occupied the same level of society, and it was the highest.

Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.

Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended.

It is usually the imagination that is wounded first, rather than the heart; it being much more sensitive.

I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.

The man who writes about himself and his own time is the only man who writes about all people and all time.

He who has not the spirit of this age, has all the misery of it.

If thou art clean and warm, it is sufficient; for more doth but rob the Poor, and please the Wanton.

Whatever limits us we call fate.

Every man is rich or poor according to the proportion between his desires and his enjoyments.

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious – except he purposely shut the eyes of his mind and keep them shut by force.

Shame arises from the fear of men, conscience from the fear of God.

Everything that is made beautiful and fair and lovely is made for the eye of one who sees.

Seek not to be Rich, but Happy. The one lies in Bags, the other in Content: which Wealth can never give.

Usually the modest person passes for someone reserved, the silent for a sullen person.

When a man says he had pleasure with a woman he does not mean conversation.

To be a man’s own fool is bad enough, but the vain man is everybody’s.