Mark Twain

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Hain’t we got all the fools in town on our side? And hain’t that a big enough majority in any town?

Obscurity and competence: That is the life that is worth living.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

Education is the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

Temperate temperance is best; intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

A jest often decides matters of importance more effectual and happily than seriousness.

No great deed is done by falterers who ask for certainty.

If anyone were to ask me what I want out of life I would say- the opportunity for doing something useful, for in no other way, I am convinced, can true happiness be attained.

It is said that the world is in a state of bankruptcy, that the world owes the world more than the world can pay.

Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet.

If you would convince a man that he does wrong, do right. Men will believe what they see.

Our brightest blazes of gladness are commonly kindled by unexpected sparks.

If a madman were to come into this room with a stick in his hand, no doubt we should pity the state of his mind; but our primary consideration would be to take care of ourselves. We should knock him down first, and pity him afterwards.

That fellow seems to me to possess but one idea, and that is a wrong one.

If we live truly, we shall see truly.

Life is tough, my darling, but so are you.

Live in each season as it passes; breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each. Let them be your only diet, drink, and botanical medicines.

No one won the last war, and no one will win the next war.