Mark Twain

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man’s notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

Truth is neither alive nor dead; it just aggravates itself all the time.

There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!

Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings.

By what right has the dog come to be regarded as a noble animal? The more brutal and cruel and unjust you are to him the more your fawning and adoring slave he becomes; whereas, if you shamefully misuse a cat once she will always maintain a dignified reserve toward you afterward-you will never get her full confidence again.

Just because an animal is large, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.

Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish.

Are cats lazy? Well, more power to them if they are. Which one of us has not entertained the dream of doing just as he likes, when and how he likes, and as much as he likes?

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can not get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

It is much easier to show compassion to animals. They are never wicked.

Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really.

Animals are such agreeable friends – they ask no questions; they pass no criticisms.

One dog barks at something. And a hundred dogs bark at the sound.

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, he turned into a butterfly.

All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others.

The more I know about people, the more I like dogs. I simply like animals.

I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.