Mark Twain

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

There is no distinctly American criminal class – except Congress.

The trouble with you Chicago people is that you think you are the best people down here, whereas you are merely the most numerous.

You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

If man had created man, he would be ashamed of his performance.

A banker is a fellow who lends his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

I do not hesitate to read all good books in translations. What is really best in any book is translatable – any real insight or broad human sentiment.

Those who trust us educate us.

Syllables govern the world.

The foolish are like ripples on water, For whatsoever they do is quickly effaced; But the righteous are like carvings upon stone, For their smallest act is durable.

Man gives every reason for his conduct save one, every excuse for his crimes save one, every plea for his safety save one; and that one is his cowardice.

There are no grades of vanity, there are only grades of ability in concealing it.

Wherever work is done, victory is attained.

Life will not bear refinement. You must do as other people do.

Let him that would move the world, first move himself.

People only see what they are prepared to see.

I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.

We are in fact convinced that if we are ever to have pure knowledge of anything, we must get rid of the body and contemplate things by themselves with the soul by itself. It seems, to judge from the argument, that the wisdom which we desire and upon which we profess to have set our hearts will be attainable only when we are dead and not in our lifetime.

Real love begins when nothing is expected in return.

Writers are the engineers of human souls.

Justice delayed is justice denied.