Mark Twain

An average English word is four letters and a half. By hard, honest labor I’ve dug all the large words out of my vocabulary and shaved it down till the average is three and a half… I never write metropolis for seven cents, because I can get the same money for city. I never write policeman, because I can get the same price for cop…. I never write valetudinarian at all, for not even hunger and wretchedness can humble me to the point where I will do a word like that for seven cents; I wouldn’t do it for fifteen.

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

It is at our mother’s knee that we acquire our noblest and truest and highest ideals, but there is seldom any money in them.

I repeat, sir, that in whatever position you place a woman she is an ornament to society and a treasure to the world. As a sweetheart, she has few equals and no superiors; as a cousin, she is convenient; as a wealthy grandmother with an incurable distemper, she is precious; as a wet-nurse, she has no equal among men. What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. (The conviction of the rich that the poor are happier is no more foolish than the conviction of the poor that the rich are.)

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.

Eating is touch carried to the bitter end.

I am vegetarian. I became one at 20 when I was working in a pig farm. I got attached to the pigs and I couldn’t stand the thought that they would have to go off to be slaughtered.

Trump Steaks, where are the steaks? Do we have steaks? We have Trump Steaks.

Preparing food is not just about yourself and others. It is about everything!

A mighty porterhouse steak an inch and a half thick, hot and sputtering from the griddle; dusted with fragrant pepper; enriched with little melting bits of butter of the most impeachable freshness and genuineness; the precious juices of the meat trickling out and joining the gravy, archipelagoed with mushrooms; a township or two of tender, yellowish fat gracing an out-lying district of this ample county of beefsteak; the long white bone which divides the sirloin from the tenderloin still in its place.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

The only meat I eat is from animals I’ve killed myself.

What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?

I once made a (it was supposed to be a 30-minute) bean salad that took me like 6 hours

I do not like broccoli. And I haven’t liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I’m President of the United States and I’m not going to eat any more broccoli.

Together, we can help make sure that every family that walks into a restaurant can make an easy, healthy choice.

I love to cook comfort food. I’ll make fish and vegetables or meat and vegetables and potatoes or rice. The ritual of it is fun for me, and the creativity of it.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

No eggs, no omelette. And it depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket, you have eggs class one, class two, class three. Some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem.