Mark Twain

We have the best government that money can buy.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of congress; but I repeat myself.

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep and never to refrain when awake.

You will find only what you bring in.

Philosophers make imaginary laws for imaginary commonwealths, and their discourses are as the stars, which give little light because they are so high.

Even the youngest of us may be wrong sometimes.

The mind is never satisfied with the objects immediately before it, but is always breaking away from the present moment, and losing itself in schemes of future felicity… The natural flights of the human mind are not from pleasure to pleasure, but from hope to hope.

There are some sluggish men who are improved by drinking; as there are fruits that are not good until they are rotten.

The things most people want to know about are usually none of their business.

While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till grief be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it.

Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability.

What we learn only through the ears makes less impression upon our minds than what is presented to the trustworthy eye.

Obviously, as you grow up, no one’s ever 100 percent proud of every decision that they’ve made, and that’s OK. I think as long as you learn from your mistakes and don’t make them over and over again, you’re on the right path.

Blows are sarcasm’s turned stupid.

The pleasure we feel in music springs from the obedience which is in it.

Welcome evermore to gods and men is the self-helping man. For him all doors are flung wide: him all tongues greet, all honors crown, all eyes follow with desire. Our love goes out to him and embraces him, because he did not need it. We solicitously and apologetically caress and celebrate him, because he held on his way and scorned our disapprobation. The gods loved him because men hated him.

If you want the moon, do not hide from the night. If you want a rose, do not hide from the thorns. If you want love, do not hide from yourself.

If thou wouldst rule well, thou must rule for God; and to do that, thou must be ruled by him who has given to kings his grace to command themselves and their subjects, and to the people the grace to obey God and their kings.