Junglepussy

You wouldn’t pour soda on plants.

When Yale reached out, I thought it was a hoax, but they really followed through.

I wish everybody would treat themselves like a plant.

Everyone wants to be black so bad I wake up feeling so exclusive!

When I was really young, I loved the movie ‘White Christmas’ – I still do – and I thought Rosemary Clooney was so pretty. When I was, like, nine, I would tell people, ‘You know who I kind of look like? Rosemary Clooney.’

When you’re thirty-five, you can’t take as much booze … and I always got a little violent on drink…So it was kind of self-destructive suicide side of me, which is resolving itself for the better, I believe, because I never enjoyed it…

Trying to be a leader in a sort of very atypical workplace like ‘Saturday Night Live’ forces you to realize that no one wants you to be their leader. If you can help them get their thing on TV or whatever, they want that. But no adult is looking for a role model.

You can’t even imagine how it felt to have a cassette that you could take with you with a microphone so you could put down an idea and not have to hum it a million times to remember what it was.

I think Daniel (Radcliffe)’s… just so far superior to me in terms of desirability, so he didn’t really have much of a competition with me. If I were Katie, I would definitely go out with him because he’s rich and famous, and I’m not really!

The past is a stepping stone, not a millstone.

I usually don’t listen back to the shows but I finally did. Now I know the one thing that’s gonna make it even better than it already is!

The weird thing is, when Darrell Hammond or Will Ferrell or Dana Carvey did an impersonation of a president, no one assumed it was personal, but because Sarah Palin and I are both women and people think women are meaner to each other, everyone assumed it was personal.

I keep forgetting I’m speaking in an American accent sometimes. The dangerous thing is that you end up forgetting what your real accent is after a while! It’s really strange; I’ve never done a job in an American accent before.

I’m kind of jealous of the life I’m supposedly leading.

I quit driving, I’m not retired.

I really wasn’t heavy in high school. But no one feels right in their own skin, particularly in high school.

People will say, ‘Oh, fashion magazines are so bad, they’re giving girls a negative message’-but we’re also the fattest country in the world, so it’s not like we’re all looking at fashion magazines and not eating.

The memories of a man in his old age, are the deeds of a man in his prime.

I was singing a lot of waltzes. And I was with Jerry Kennedy, my producer, and he was playing me some songs, and he said, hey, I want to play you this song that I’m going to get Jackie Ward to record.