John Lennon

I don’t intend to be a performing flea anymore. I was the dreamweaver, but although I’ll be around I don’t intend to be running at 20,000 miles an hour trying to prove myself. I don’t want to die at 40.

We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.

You’re just left with yourself all the time, whatever you do anyway. You’ve got to get down to your own God in your own temple. It’s all down to you, mate.

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? All the rest of you, if you

The basic thing nobody asks is why do people take drugs of any sort? Why do we have these accessories to normal living to live? I mean, is there something wrong with society that’s making us so pressurized, that we cannot live without guarding ourselves against it?

And so this is Xmas for black and for white, for yellow and red, let’s stop all the fight.

I have no enabler bone in my body – not one. I’m sort of like, ‘Oh, are you going crazy? I’ll be back in an hour.’

Doing one movie every two years is about all I can handle ’cause, being the creator at ’30 Rock’, my year there starts in the middle of June and goes back around until March.

I don’t look at negative comments because my parents and family don’t let me. My big sister controls my Instagram, and my big brother controls my Twitter. I also don’t really Google myself or anything like that.

[on his acting career] All the new people you meet, it’s pretty amazing. The vampire needs new blood. And there is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful.

When I’m no longer rapping I want to open up an ice-cream parlor and call myself Scoop Dogg.

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend and dogs are a man’s best friend. Now you know which sex has more sense.

A lot of actresses start out modeling because it’s a great way to sort of get your foot in the door. That’s all it is, though. They open the door, and you have to walk through it.

It’s strange, somebody asked for my autograph the other day. Because I finished school and I’m not really doing anything at the moment, I was just kind of aimlessly wandering around London and these two guys who were about 30 came up and asked for my autograph. I was really quite proud at the time, and they wanted to take photos and stuff. And then they were sort of wandering around and I was kind of wandering around and I bumped into them about three times, and every single time their respect for me kept growing and growing and growing.

Do you know how much hate mail I’ve gotten from people who love Mario Kart? … In one day, I managed to ruin half of America’s childhood and mushroom farming everywhere.

For anyone who feels the need to hate, just know I’m looking at my phone like #GirlBye!

Meryl Streep, one of the most over-rated actresses in Hollywood, doesn’t know me but attacked last night at the Golden Globes. She is a Hillary flunky who lost big. For the 100th time, I never mockeda disabled reporter (would never do that) but simply showed him grovellingwhen he totally changed a 16 year old story that he had written in order to make me look bad. Just more very dishonest media!

I got a fan letter on the back of a prison menu. And I remember thinking, ‘Well, they get pie. It’s not so bad. They get pie on the weekends.’ I want to say blueberry and also a Boston cream pie. Not so bad.

I did Jonathon Ross last year and he said ‘do people do impressions of David Brent?’ and I went ‘well, they can’t really because he’s such a normal bloke’. Then, after the show, me and Ross are walking through the car park and this bloke jumps out and goes ‘der-ner-ner-ner-ner’, does the David Brent dance and runs away. Jonathon Ross was in hysterics: ‘all that shit you came out with and then some bloke jumps out and runs away’. But on the whole it doesn’t really happen.

I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.

Here in L.A. the standard of beauty is kind of ridiculous. I want to be doing this when I’m in my fifties and sixties and this isn’t what I’m going to look like.