H. L. Mencken

Wealth – any income that is at least one hundred dollars more a year than the income of one’s wife’s sister’s husband.

The trouble with fighting for human freedom is that one spends most of one’s time defending scoundrels. For it is against scoundrels that oppressive laws are first aimed, and oppression must be stopped at the beginning if it is to be stopped at all.

All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.

I like the idea of being alone. I like the idea of often being alone in all aspects of my life. I like to feel lonely. I like to need things.

Kiss me, and you will see how important I am.

I don’t think members of the royal family sign prenuptial agreements

You know the funny thing, I don’t get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.

Bias has to be taught. If you hear your parents downgrading women or people of different backgrounds, why, you are going to do that.

The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she’s shopping.

Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears.

Friendship, ‘the wine of life,’ said Boswell, should, like a well-stocked cellar, be thus continually renewed. And Dr. Johnson added to this A man, Sir, should keep his friendships in constant repair.

I married the first man I ever kissed. When I tell this to my children, they just about throw up.

When we think of friends, and call their faces out of the shadows, and their voices out of the echoes that faint along the corridors of memory, and do it without knowing why save that we love to do it, we content ourselves that that friendship is a Reality, and not a Fancy-that it is builded upon a rock, and not upon the sands that dissolve away with the ebbing tides and carry their monuments with them.

If I don’t have friends, then I ain’t got nothing.

Don’t base a relationship on sex. You need love, compassion and caring. Then sex can be a reflection of that.

It’s like in golf… A lot of people – I don’t want this to sound trivial – but a lot of people are switching to these really long putters, very unattractive… it’s weird. You see these great players with these really long putters, because they can’t sink three-footers anymore. And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.

It is because I think so much of warm and sensitive hearts, that I would spare them from being wounded.

[a metaphor for the end of her marriage] The process of divorce is about loading a blanket, throwing it up, watching it all spin, and worrying what stuff will break when it lands.