Tina Fey

An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women’s Affairs. Man, who’d she have to show her ankles to to get that job?

I must say, as a point of pride, that I didn’t get the job because I was a woman. I got the job because Amy Poehler moved to New York with the Upright Citizens Brigade and I was the next best thing.

I think people fetishize glasses in general. You could put glasses on a rotting pumpkin and people would think it was sexy.

I would not trade any of these features for anybody else’s. I wouldn’t trade the small thin-lipped mouth that makes me resemble my nephew. I wouldn’t even trade the acne scar on my right cheek, because that recurring zit spent more time with me in college than any boy ever did.

So, Alec Baldwin; great actor or greatest actor? I’m gonna say “greatest actor”; Greatest…living…American…actor…in…the Baldwin family…by a mile.

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

You could put a blond wig on a hot-water heater and some dude would try to f**k it.

I want to work with great directors and try not to put too much pressure on myself and just read things for the story and recognize when I’m drawn to something for the right reasons and try to maintain some sanity.

Confidence is key. Sometimes, you need to look like you’re confident even when you’re not.

I always choose roles that are, you know, hopefully different from the last role. I don’t wanna do the same thing over and over again because that’s, well, first of all that’s no fun.

[On Lou Adler] Lou really had a production deal called a label, whereas we had a real label. We had a great many artists, whereas he had very few. Lou also produced most of the stuff that came out on Ode. We were not producers.

I couldn’t stand that my husband was being unfaithful. I am Raquel Welch – understand?

I don’t fit the mold. In this country, success usually happens when you are 22 and six feet tall. Clearly, by asking that question they are kind of letting me know that I am an aberration.

People don’t have to like or support you, so you always have to say thank you.

There are some people in here who are not journalists. There’s a masseuse in here who’s not a journalist – I think that’s ever so exciting.

Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.

My love for the band is still there. It hasn’t changed, maybe that’s why it’s so painful these days.

To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

[on Sarah Palin returning to Fox News] First tonight, I and the rest of America woke up this morning in the worst way imaginable.

When people apologize to me sincerely, I accept it. It’s really never too late to right your wrongs.

Welcome to The Daily Show, I’m John Oliver. Jon Stewart is still not here. He is currently living out a live-action Lord of the Rings role-playing experience deep in the New Zealand wilderness.