Tina Fey

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

Obviously, as an adult I realize this girl-on-girl sabotage is the third worst kind of female behavior, right behind saying “like” all the time and leaving your baby in a dumpster.

Do the NBC bigheads really pay attention to these message boards? Um, I don’t know if they read the message boards. I hope so, because I write fifty to a thousand fake posts a week, mostly, uh, saying that I’m really good and that no else is as good as me. So, I hope they listen to that because I’m trying to get a raise.

I’m married, you know. I love my husband and I have a child.

You don’t just decide to destroy a person by making up stuff, and no one at ‘SNL’ is writing to go after someone.

The idea of being in control for the sake of control is not really important to me. If everyone is sharp and doing what they’re doing well, you don’t really need to be in control all the time.

What I have to say is far more important than how long my eyelashes are.

Twitter seems like a busman’s holiday: just more writing. I have no plans to do it. I’ll just stick with my 24/7 webcam. I’m old-fashioned that way.

You can’t be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

I like work. If it’s not hard enough, I try to make it harder. I like the process of being daunted by it, tackling it, and knowing I can do it.

The only thing that I’m scared of is not livin’ up to the expectations of Dr. Dre and Eminem.

I was young when I first went to America. I was 19 years old, and I went crazy. I met The GTOs and my mind just snapped. I’m from a nowhere town in the Midlands and here were these girls with bare breasts blatantly coming on, and of course we went crazy.

Every day, you try something new. So I just try to keep myself healthy physically and nutritionally.

You don’t just decide to destroy a person by making up stuff, and no one at ‘SNL’ is writing to go after someone.

So many people try to grow up too fast, and it’s not fun! You should stay a kid as long as possible!

Everybody knows me by this scent called Pink Sugar.

Monterey, I remember, but I seem to remember the Fillmore West, that we played the week before Monterey. That was much more memorable for me. The first time in San Francisco. They were good gigs.

I only cook when I’m in love.

[In 1969] I thought how awful, this poor girl is being managed by someone who had no respect for her at all… I’ve been her agent since then.

Definitely tougher to be vulnerable. As a woman in the industry, you try so hard to remain strong and to not let your guard down. And once you let the walls down and let people see that you were a regular person who has feelings, sometimes people take advantage of that. I think that applies for everyone. It’s always a little bit nerve-racking to just completely let your guard down because you just don’t know if people are going to appreciate it. And then if they don’t appreciate it, you can feel like you did it in vain.

That was me under the bath and the water being held down. The director wanted it to look as real as possible so he told Keanu, in front of me, don’t go easy on her. So it was scary.