Tina Fey

Oh, nerds!

I want to spend time with Oprah, and I don’t know what I need to do to make that happen.

I think everyone’s intentions are to become a performer at first. But by the time I was in high school and college, I discovered that I liked writing and that I was probably a little better at it.

I never get to go to movies, because I’m a mom.

My favorite day at ’30 Rock’ is Thursday when the show airs. At lunch, we screen the episodes. For everyone to watch together, to see the stuff we all worked on, to hear the crew laugh – it’s great fun.

The difference between male comedy writers and female comedy writers is that the male ones are taller and weigh more.

If I go and try to watch a movie by myself I’ll be completely transfixed the whole time, concentrating one hundred percent. But if I’m with another person on a date or something, within two minutes I’ll be like ‘This is rubbish, this is rubbish. We should leave and do something else.’ I don’t really know why.

We’re not going out there with somebody pretending to be Freddie Mercury. We are what we are now; we’re not what we were then, we’re just going out, playing our songs.

I’ve got this brilliant thing where I go, “I’m Robbie Williams”, and people are interested in what I want to say – which is amazing because I’m just an idiot from Stoke-on-Trent.

I was the editor of the school newspaper and in drama club and choir, so I was not a popular girl in the traditional sense, but I think I was known for being relatively scathing.

I just needed a job. Before being hired as an usher at the CBS Theater, I didn’t even know there was a show business.

Being such a big band is never a problem but it can be distracting.

[on The Who’s performance at Woodstock] It was the worst gig we ever played.

I think London’s sexy because it’s so full of eccentrics.

Ghost stories really scare me. I have such a big imagination that after I watch a horror movie like The Grudge, I look in the corners of my room for the next two days.

Anything that we think is incredible and beautiful and wonderful, we ascribe to something that we don’t know what it is.

Here’s a question for you women out there: Can every man you fancy fit into your life with its professional and private commitments? Or is he going to upset the apple cart and destroy the balance of things? Sound selfish? Maybe. But it’s a reality. Is this romantic liaison going to prove to be a positive or destructive influence in your life? And most important of all, is he absolutely worth it?

But I love to entertain. My vocation is to accrue all these experiences, to write about them, to get them out of my system, to not get sick, and then to share them publicly.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

[On his favourite scene from “New Moon”] The Volterra scene, where I have to step into the light. There were many extras and many fans there. Some fans travelled across the world to be there. I felt a huge sense of responsibility, being in front of so many that are so obsessed with this story. It was nerve wrecking, but I never felt closer to the character before this.

Making a movie requires 20 to 500 people to make and a lot of money and the stakes are a lot higher.